Serving sizes were already on Stephen Colbert's menu thanks to his should-be-award-winning attack on Wheat Thins. So when Mars announced that by 2013, none of their candy bars would be over 250 calories, Colbert launched that as his latest installment of "Thought for Food."
The company says the move is designed to instill "responsible snacking." Colbert mocks this with joke-filled questions such as "Can I get that Nestle Crunch with brown rice?"
He meant that as a joke, but that would be fun to have a dark chocolate version with brown rice. Back when I ate candy bars as a kid, Nestle Crunch was one of my favorites.
Does it matter whether you eat one candy bar of 500 calories or two candy bars of 250 calories? If you can stop yourself at one candy bar, then go for a mini — even fewer than 250 calories. This works if you can trick yourself. And it helps let candy bar makers feel better.
Then again, if you are eating 1,800 calories a day, then a "smaller" candy bar is about 15% of your caloric intake.
"America won the space race … of taking up the most space."
Colbert also honored Taco Bell's Fourth Meal with the new joy we wrote about this week: the second breakfast.
"For too long, we've been stuck with strict government-approved timeslots for cramming things into our faceslots. And I don't know about you, but I always get hungry after breakfast. In fact, sometimes I get hungry during breakfast. I need something to tide me over while my fork makes the journey from my eggs to my potatoes."
Colbert riffed on the other possibilities for names post-breakfast, pre-brunch, dinner prequel, sleep breakfast, and pre-dawn fondue nightmare.
After his riff, Colbert wanted a king-sized Snickers, but settles for 3 regular-size Snickers bars.
It's all about what you eat, not how you justify it.