Global bacon shortage.
What a scary thought.
All those little piggies that didn't make it to market will account for this upcoming global bacon shortage (GBS). Never mind that many in the world don't eat bacon or don't have access to bacon or dare we say, aren't as interested as bacon as we are.
Still, people feel the need to panic even though we are still months away from any GBS.
So as a public service, here are some ways to prepare for the eventual loss of bacon:
-- Freeze bacon. Bacon freezes quite well, but even this won't completely solve the problem in a long-time GBS. Still, you can ride out some if not all of the GBS with plenty of stock in the freezer.
-- Canadian bacon. Okay, so Canadian bacon isn't really bacon. The same pigs that bring you bacon would also bring you Canadian bacon. If you are easily fooled, this might be the easiest solution.
-- Better than bacon. One of the local farmers at the farmers market carries a pork shoulder marketed as "better than bacon." True, that might cost more but you get a lot more meat and a lot less fat in a pork shoulder than regular bacon.
-- Turkey bacon. Uh, yeah. Turkey bacon. After all, turkeys didn't suffer in the drought. Sure, uh, maybe. You could close your eyes and imagine that you are eating traditional bacon. You could use one slice of regular bacon and one slice of turkey bacon and hope the "real" bacon comes through taste-wise.
-- Label a food with the word "bacon" and not put any inside: I stood in line for puffs at Chipotle Fest in Chicago specifically for a "chocolate covered bacon" puff. I paid $5 for this puff with the idea of combining chocolate and bacon. I tried the puff and discovered no bacon, no bacon flavor, no wisp of bacon. Needless to say, I was miffed. I did get my money back as they explained to me that they usually tell customers there is no bacon in the puff. Well, then they shouldn't put bacon in the title if there is no bacon. Try that in a GBS and see what kind of reaction you will get.
-- Baconnaise. Again, Baconnaise has no bacon in it, so the spread can make you think you're doing bacon without actual bacon.
-- Bacon Salt. See Baconnaise.
-- Bacon jerky. The beauty of bacon jerky is that this would last longer than regular bacon. According to the Web site, this is actually made from bacon.
-- Take a picture of bacon. Sure, this won't be the same as eating bacon. But you can recall great memories of the times you and bacon spent together. For an added bonus, run the pictures through Instagram and imagine that bacon is off to fight a world war while you are at home waiting for the bacon to return home from the fight.
-- Take some time away from bacon. This may be the hardest step of them all. After all, bacon is a reason some people get out of bed in the morning. But you realize that sometimes in a close relationship, you need some space, some "alone time."
Sure, you would be tempted to have bacon stick around, even if the price is higher and the quality not as good. Then you would start to resent bacon for its high-priced lifestyle even if bacon isn't at fault for the higher prices.
Don't let your relationship with bacon deteriorate over a financial spat. Learn to love other meats or try going meatless or mostly meatless. Then you'll appreciate bacon once it's back in your life.