"If you need your Twinkie fix, stop eating now so you can start eating them on Monday."
Your local TV news will have a field day or two on the "return" of Hostess Twinkies, and what that will mean to lunch boxes everywhere, even though it's summer.
But is the return of the Hostess Twinkie, and its cousins, that big of a deal?
The supply of Twinkies and other Hostess products kept flowing to Canadians, so if Americans were desperate, road trips to Canada would have gone up. U.S. grocery stores rose up to offer alternatives.
I wrote about finding the Vachon alternatives at the Meijer's in Indiana this spring. Now Mariano's is carrying the Vachon line, minus the Ding Dong alternatives, and Mariano's is a lot closer to my home. The store is also carrying Roundy's version of the Hostess products, although the Roundy's products contain high-fructose corn syrup, an automatic disqualifier.
Yes, the "real thing" is coming back. But considering that the audience that would care are nostalgic for the long ago version, not the 2013 version. The possibility is highly slim that that the formula might reflect that nostalgia with a return to a simpler, sugar-based, doesn't last forever version.
Previous coverage:
Temptation of the Week: Canadian snack cakes in the United States
Death of the Canadian Twinkie: Alive in name only
However, the new era of the Twinkies hasn't gone off to a good start and the product isn't even on the shelves.
Hostess Brands LLC, the new company, announced that the new Twinkies will have a 45-day shelf life instead of the previous 26-day shelf life under the previous owner. The company noted that the change happened under the old company but because of the bankruptcy timing, consumers had little opportunity to buy Twinkies with the longer shelf life.
The company also announced that some retailers would receive frozen Twinkies. Any retail customer can request non-frozen Twinkies, but chances are you won't ask your grocery store manager if the Twinkies came frozen. Chances are your grocery store manager won't know.
Longer shelf life usually means more preservatives. Sugar is better than high-fructose corn syrup, but sugar with extra preservatives isn't that joyous of an announcement.
As for frozen Twinkies, well, freezing them yourself after you buy them is one thing. Having them come frozen and thawed and not know whether you are getting the product that way — doesn't inspire quality or freshness.
Those who want classic Twinkies may never get what you want under the Twinkies banner. The old Canadian version was as close as we may ever get. Sometimes having the name around is more depressing because you're tempted for something that doesn't exist, even if you can see the name.
The knockoffs may not be what you want either, but based on the ingredient list, they may be good enough.
You could make your own version of Twinkies or other Hostess products, but part of the charm was the convenience of grabbing a snack cake.
You survived for several months without Twinkies, and chances are you weren't eating a lot of them even before the bankruptcy. Having them back on grocery store shelves is a temptation, but you have to ask yourself whether you are getting the "real thing."
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