CanadianCrossing.com is devoted to educating Americans about Canada. And I'm not the only "American" who wants to relocate to Canada.
"Why Moving To Canada Is A Horrible Idea" is an essay on a local Chicago area blog. Friends of mine could not resist pointing out this essay. The essay needs the services of a professional editor and this woman has confused the CN Tower with the Space Needle.
In the spirit of fairness, we decide to share this column and looking into the logic behind this take on Canada. Let's break down her reasons for not wanting us to move to Canada.
Food Needs Flavor
She doesn't like malt vinegar, comparing a fish and chips "doused in malt vinegar" to having a cigarette put on on them. As many fish and chips as I've seen in Canada, I have never had vinegar of any kind poured on fish and chips. This is voluntarily done by the customer. She might benefit from regular vinegar, often found in Canadian restaurants, that doesn't smell like malt vinegar.
She doesn't like poutine, not that she mentions the dish by name, referring to "thick, greasy gravy on top." Bad gravy on fries isn't fun, but again, that is voluntarily. She also mocks Canadian bacon as being ham, which it is. But Canadians also eat "regular" bacon too.
Canadians Sound Funny When They Sing
She says Sarah McLachlan and Celine Dion "sound like they have a huge bubble in their throats when they sing" like a "pseudo-yodel." Even if that were somehow true, there are many other Canadian singers who don't have that, er, condition. Male and female singers. Does Arcade Fire have that trait? Rush? Gordon Lightfoot?
She should also know that in moving to Canada, you aren't required to listen to any Canadian artist. Encouraged to listen to Sarah McLachlan, yes. Certainly not required.
Canadians Don't Think Like Us
In reading the essay, she might be unknowingly praising Canadians because people really don't want to think like her. Her overall point is that Canadians don't think like Americans because they are Canadians. Agreed.
"It seems to me that Canadians have a different way of thinking that doesn't seem to incorporate any form of common sense."
Let's follow that logic.
Her first example is a waitress at a crowded pancake house in Toronto. There are 5 people in the group and the waitress asked them "Do you all want to sit together?"
The author thought this was hilarious. The question would be common in any crowded restaurant on both sides of the border, and certainly isn't limited to Canada. But she blames Canada.
"What the hell are they teaching in the classrooms over there?" she wonders. Perhaps she should examine her own education.
Her other example has to do with Canadian customs. She clearly had a rough time at the border crossing, though the undertone would lead you to believe that her attitude wasn't the greatest and she doesn't know how to deal with customs.
In her defense, this might be a sour note for Americans to travel anywhere beyond their own boundaries. Moving to Canada would actually make things easier when dealing with Canadian customs, but that would seem like a punishment to the author.
Given what Canadians and other non-Americans deal with from U.S. customs, she might have had nicer treatment by Canadian customs officers.
Canadians Tax The Hell Out Of You
"Let's say, you buy a steak dinner for $25 CD and buy a beer for $4 CD, you rent a room for $100 CD. Your total is $129 CD. However, you will pay .40 tax for the beer, $40 tax for the room BEFORE any provincial tax and/or government tax is added. You just paid well over 10 times the tax you would have paid in the tax circus we know here in Chicago."
Having rented hotel rooms in Canada, you certainly pay a federal tax and a provincial tax. In Toronto, you likely pay a lodging tax that helps pay for specific projects. In Chicago, you pay a federal tax, a state tax, and a lodging tax that helps pay for specific projects. She doesn't pay that in Chicago because she lives in the area.
The math she uses to describe a "$40 tax for the room BEFORE any provincial tax and/or government tax is added" hurts my head to think about. According to her logic, you pay more than 50% on top of the charge for a hotel room, and that flat out isn't true. She might have paid $40 for lodging tax over several days, but not for a $100 room for one night.
"There's a provincial tax, a government tax, a liquor tax (10%), a lodging tax (4-5%)." Same as in the United States. Really.
She is correct that taxes are higher in Canada. Canadians get more for their taxes than Americans do, especially in Chicago.
"Your money would do better in Mexico." True. Also true for Eastern Europe vs. Western Europe.
The Canadian dollar keeps falling so American tourists can get better bargains than we've seen in years.
"Hopefully, I have stopped you from making the biggest mistake of your life. Canada is not the place to go if you are seeking reform. We live in a land of free speech and your voice is a strong weapon against anything that you feel needs change."
Canada has reforms that the United States doesn't enjoy: universal health care, gay marriage coast-to-coast. Canada also has free speech.
Conclusion
The author does like Alan Thicke and William Shatner. They do sing but not in a "pseudo-yodel" we presume.
In the comments, the author says this was a humorous column, though she might want to take some humor lessons. She isn't terribly serious, but she seems pretty upset about the idea of anyone moving to Canada based on her limited anecdotal research.
Canada certainly has its limits and faults. If you are a movie or TV star, you have a much better chance of succeeding in the States. There is a significant percentage of the U.S. population that doesn't think Canada is perfect, but makes a lot more sense on a lot of topics near to their hearts.
They should have the opportunity to switch teams, just as many on the Canadian side who think the U.S. is the true land of the free. That would be true free trade.
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